I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
