it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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