I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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