Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Found the puke drawer
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I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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