I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
