yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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