i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
