i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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