Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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