just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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