i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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