yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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