Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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