Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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