Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
