His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
