I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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