So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I cannot find my penis.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
