can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
