I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
