please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
