allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
