why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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