About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
