was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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