somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
