I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
