I hate all girls vehemently.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You smell like stripper and shame
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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