I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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