in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
