there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
