BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize