he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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