Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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