yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
