its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
