He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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