I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
