Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
