Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
