my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
