good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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