I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
