I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.