i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person