Will you blow on my dice?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants