LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!