I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband