Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize