I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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