dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
