She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
