We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
