Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
