my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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