I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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