Im at strip club and am horny
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
