he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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