@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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