i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
