So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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