I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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