i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
