Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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