What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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