He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dear god my vagina.
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